I should preface all this by saying I'm going to be very open and honest and likely won't hold back (I know, you're thinking when do you ever hold back? ha). I just think the raw version may help me to vent but also may help others to realize these feelings are real and it's okay to have these feelings when fighting this battle of infertility.
The battle of the heart ache, anxiety, stress, endless doctor’s appointments and needles and medication OH the medication...
To start this off I'll give you everyone the
February 2009 Dustin and I signed a contract on our new home and decided that was it, no more birth control pills.
Somewhere around February 2010 it was time for my annual Well Woman exam. We had sort of talked about how it was weird I wasn't pregnant yet but we weren't REALLY trying (denial example #1). So at my appointment I had just mentioned it to my doctor. She immediately started talking about taking some fertility drugs. This freaked me out. I wanted to know if something was wrong before I just started taking pills! ((I thought, “okaaaay, ignoring this crazy doctor...”))
Fast forward to ~June 2010 my great friend Lindsi (the faithful blogger) went to see a new OBGYN/Fertility Specialist (Dr. Bundren) she heard about through a friend of hers. Dr. B diagnosed her with a few things and scheduled her for a laparoscopy. Although her story was different than mine, I still had a ton of the same symptoms. She told me about how great they had been to work with so I gave them a shout. First appointment July 2010. Sat down with Dr. B and he diagnosed me with PCOS (ovarian cysts) and a septate uterus (think uterus shaped like a heart, when it should be a triangle, no dip down at the top). He also said I had a high probability of Endometriosis which could only be diagnosed by a procedure called a laparoscopy. We scheduled the laparoscopy for August 2010. It was a 1 day outpatient surgery under general anesthetics with intubation. I came out with two tiny holes, one in my belly button, and one about 4 inches below my belly button. They inserted gas, and more-or-less water lasered off all the Endometriosis they found (it’s this webby-scar-tissue-stuff), and also repaired my uterus. Easy peasy…. Until you get home and the gas starts moving around in your body, specifically your right shoulder – OUCH!
The Laparoscopy was followed by 6 monthly shots called Lupron. It was basically a medication that put you into a menopause state. It allowed your ovaries to “go to sleep” and recuperate from the years’ worth of damage. These shots brought on the hot flashes and night sweats. Lindsi and I were going through this together, and we were thankful ours was during the cooler months. You could often find us in a tank top sitting outside in November, or fanning ourselves with the restaurant menus or whatever we could find. Just thankful we had each other to talk about our awesome night sweats. :)
Late January 2011 was my last shot. February 2011 we went on a cruise to celebrate Lindsi and I going through menopause…. okay actually it was just a fun vacation with a dozen or so amazing friends.
A couple months of birth control to replenish my hormones, and we were free to start trying. After a few months of no success, Dr. B put me on some oral ovulation stimulators for a few months. Those didn’t work either. Over the next several months, it was a mix and match of concoctions of pills and shots, and two unsuccessful rounds of Intrauterine Inception “IUI”. (And no, they don’t use a turkey baster, haha).
After these expensive little attempts, Dr. B got frank with us that our infertility is unexplained and somehow not even one of the hundreds of thousands of little swimmers could make it to the egg. He recommended with our young age and healthy bodies that we move on to IVF. IVF is quite a commitment (more on that in a few) so we decided to take some time off, enjoy the summer, and tackle this bad boy come this fall.
So here we are – fall is coming up, and with the timing and everything Labor Day was the best weekend for all of us.
Over the next two weeks, I will be giving myself one miiiiilllion shots. Okay not a million, but one a day (since last week) and then three different meds per day (2 in the am, 1 in the pm) starting on Sunday. I’ll have lots of ultrasounds (boy aren’t those pleasant? I’ll spare you the details, but they’re not external rub on your belly ultrasounds).
August 29, 2012 we will drive to Oklahoma City for an outpatient procedure where they will retrieve my eggs. I’ll be sedated, but not under general anesthetics, some other method that’s less invasive that doesn’t require intubation (tube down the throat). They will also gladly accept Dustin’s contribution that day, and the swimmers will go through a bath, and a selection process, and only the best will not be voted off the island. Over that weekend, while we’re celebrating Labor Day with hotdogs and football, the lab technicians will be injecting the swimmers into the eggs, creating embryos. I don’t know all the fancy terms about the cells multiplying and yadda yadda yadda. That’s what Google is for. Although I don’t recommend it, there’s scary stuff out there.
September 3, 2012 we will travel back to OKC for the transfer of the embryos. I will then be forced to lay down for 3 days. I will go back in for them to do a pregnancy test by blood work on September 12, 2012.
FAQ’s and what-not about IVF (and my 100% non-medical-professional answers)
What is IVF? It is a process in which the egg is extracted from the wifes body, the sperm is taken from the male, and the best of the best of the sperm is injected into the egg and the two do a dance until an embryo is formed. The doctor then sticks the embryo back in the wifes body after a few days, and then with some luck and a lot of prayer the embryo implants into the lining of the wifes uterus to start growing into a baby.
Is a turkey baster used? No. It’s a tiny catheter with a tiny tube. It’s amazing how small it is.
Do they cut your stomach open at any time? No. It’s all done…the other way. Think about it.
Is IVF expensive? Heck yeah it is. It’s expected we could spend anywhere from $12k-$18k. The variance depends on how much medication is needed, if insurance pays for anything, and how many embryos we freez. How we’re funding it? Well, if you see Dustin working 11th street….I kid. But I do believe it will all work out just fine.
Isn’t it weird to think about the embryo being formed in a petri dish? Yes. And I’ve had many talks with God about this. If you disagree with the concept, that’s okay. I’m sure you’ll love my kids just the same.
Are you all nervous, anxious, excited, stressed, etc.? Yes. All of the above. That being said, Dr. B is a founder in the IVF process (so yes, he’s old) but I have trust in him that he’s making the best decision for us. I also love that his nurse has prayed over my body as we’ve done different processes.
Is there anything you can do to help? I would say short of giving us a few grand, just treat us the same (and I'm kidding about the money... well, kind of). I know it is a very intriguing process, and all of the terminology may fly over your head, and you just have a lot of questions. Questions are okay, but try to not make it the center of conversation 24/7 with Dustin and I. We are finally at a point where we are open to talking about it, but we also will not be blasting Facebook, there are just too many Nosey Nate’s out there! (fine, okay, I admit, I have too many Facebook friends!) The best way to help is just to join us in prayer. Pray not only that this round is successful, but pray for our nerves. Pray that we can still continue to live our normal lives.
Thanks for taking the time to read through this. Look for more posts, likely MUCH SHORTER in the future. And since I am so random, there will be lots of stuff on here not related to our baby-makin’-troubles. I hope to keep this blog factual, but light, and hopefully make you laugh more than cry.
I had no idea, well I thought I did, but reading it puts it into perspective. Love you and I hope my birthday is a very exciting day!!! Loves!
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